Laziness, Anxiety, and My Neglected Blog

So I'm sitting here at my computer tonight and came over to my blog. I am so sorry I have been neglecting this blog for so long. I am making a personal challenge to myself to keep it up. Life has been so hectic. I do plan to post more on my blog and keep up with it.

Let me start by telling you guys about a personal journey that I've been through over the past year. Last year in January, I was diagnosed with Panic and Anxiety Disorder. Actually writing it out is an embarrassment to me; however, I was told by one of my greatest friends Natasha Neagle that blogging about it may help. So here goes.

My anxiety started with a single panic attack that was so horribly bad, I felt like I was dying. I remember telling my husband, I think you should call the ambulance, I'm having a heart attack. Needless to say, he recognized the symptoms as panic and help to calm me down. That single panic attack that night left me feeling totally drained over the next few days. I felt as though I was walking around with a horrible hangover. It made me very afraid that something was physically wrong with me as I had never felt that before.

I visited my doctor who did numerous tests to find out if there was a physical problem. It turned out that I was healthy. I remember the words "I think it's all in your head. I will refer you to another doctor who can help treat panic disorder." I WAS IN SHOCK! What? Why me? I have nothing to panic over I kept thinking. In between the first attack and subsequent others, going through medical tests with no result of illness threw me over the edge. I became agoraphobic...not wanting to leave my house, had anticipatory panic (which is the supreme fear of having another attack) and felt like my insides constantly wanted to jump out of my body for weeks. It was not a great feeling.

I remember sitting on my bed one morning with my husband looking on helpless and realized that this was "REAL". What I was feeling needed to be treated. I took my original doctor's advice after 3 weeks and saw another doctor who has been treating me for anxiety and panic disorder. I have good spurts and bad spurts. I have just recently come out of a bad spurt about a month ago.

For me it is so debilitating. After 3 panic attacks in one day, I feel as if I cannot function for a week or two; however, I have to keep going. I have to go to work, I have to take care of my daughter and my husband, and life goes on.

I understand that this is totally unbeauty related (if there is such a word), but I thought keeping track of it here, and opening up this personal side of me may help my anxiety levels. Just know that letting you guys know this is a huge step for me. It is something I have been thinking about a lot because to let you know this, lets you into a personal piece of my life. It opens up a side of me that you may not have known existed. For me it is a crutch, and I really need to get out of that way of thinking. So there you have it.

I'm wondering if any of you have ever had a panic attack...
How did you feel?
What brought it on?
Do you still have them?
Do you have any advice for others who go through this?
How do you feel about knowing I have horrible anxiety...does it not phase you at all?
Let me know